2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
