Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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