Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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