what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
