I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
