If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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