I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize