Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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