Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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