ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
