You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my phone needs a breathalizer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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