the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
