You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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