I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
