i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize