dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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