ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
