Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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