On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
