Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
