Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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