at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
