i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Too much gin, very little bucket
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
