If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
