Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
