She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
