We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
