So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
