great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
