My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
