Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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