im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
