we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
