i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
