I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's never too late to be topless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
