I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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