she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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