About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
