then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
