Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
