Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
