so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize