Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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