I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
