id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
