I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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