Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
