If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
