I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
