why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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