Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize