Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize