we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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