Pregnant stripper...not hot.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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