Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
