My hand turned me down
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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