I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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