Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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