..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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