There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
