The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
