I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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