Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
