how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
