This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
