So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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