so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
