Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
