I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
