I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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