Do you still have your period?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
