Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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