Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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