The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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