Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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