The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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