p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
