that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
