We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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