Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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