Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
