i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
someone owes me an orgasm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
