I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
