I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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