No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
