some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize