so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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