is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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