i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
