we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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