Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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