chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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