I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
