just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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