weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
