is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
