What did we do last night that was yellow?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
send nudes
from the living room?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
