I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
