He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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