I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
