...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
