I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
