I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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